Father God, I come before You today and lift up every single reader who finds this newsletter. I ask that You intervene in their life in a way that only You can. Free them from every negative spiritual bond, every soul tie not of You, every wound from past trauma, every lingering anger, and every place where the enemy has tried to keep them in victimhood. Help them see clearly the plan You have for their life and let them hear Your voice with clarity.

Father, You are loving and kind. You are the miracle worker and the promise keeper. You do wonders beyond anything we can imagine. I pray that You speak to those who do not yet know Your name and reveal Yourself to them so they may gain salvation through Your Son Jesus and become redeemed. I pray that every practice, belief, or influence not of You is released from their life and replaced with true salvation.

I pray for every Christian facing persecution. Surround them with warrior angels and protect them from harm. I pray for Your children of Israel, that Your angels will guard them and no harm will come near them. I pray for the United States, that every work and perversion of the enemy will be silenced and stripped of power. I pray that those who have harmed children or the innocent will be bound in the blood of Jesus and cast to the feet of Jesus for immediate judgment.

I pray that the world will turn away from all things not of You and that every form of evil will be bound in the name of Jesus, losing all power and control, and cast to the feet of Jesus for judgment. I pray for deliverance for all of Your children and that faith will always win over fear. I pray for those who are discipling, that they are protected and strengthened. I pray that Your Word enters every home, church, building, and public place, removing all perversions of Your teaching.

You are holy. You are the one true God, the one true Redeemer, the one true Father. I pray all of this in the mighty, majestic, and holy name of Jesus. Amen.

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My Journey: Ages 33 to 37

Homeless at 33

In May 2021, after more than ten years in a shared home, I was told to get out. I tried to leave with my son, but I was threatened with the police and told I would be accused of kidnapping if I took him. I didn’t know my rights. I did what I was told. It is still one of the deepest regrets I carry, but I have forgiven everyone involved because Jesus taught me that forgiveness is required for my own forgiveness. I encourage you to forgive those who have hurt you and pray that they seek forgiveness from the Lord.

The next few months were a blur. I was drinking more, trying to numb myself and call it healing, but it only made things worse. In August 2021, I went to the ER in Ellensburg and was told I had pancreatic calcification and chronic pancreatitis. The doctor told me that if I didn’t stop drinking, I would die. I quit drinking that same day.

Homelessness is hard enough on its own, but when you feel like there is no hope, it becomes a spiritual battle. During this time, I stayed with my dad and my stepmom, who I call Mom. They helped me fight for myself again. They supported my sobriety. They believed in me when I had stopped believing in myself.

I will never forget the moment I told Mom about the assault that happened in March when I was blacked out. I cried, and she pulled me close and told me she loved me and that they would always be there for me. My now husband and I leaned on them, and they reminded us that we mattered.

During this season, I also had to undergo a tubal ligation after my last miscarriage. I was broken and scared, but my parents helped me feel safe again.

The Aftermath of Divorce

After the divorce, I lost relationships. Family turned away. Friends disappeared. Everything I had known was gone. I felt depressed, abandoned, and unsure of who I was anymore.

Falling Into the Enemy’s Work

In my pain, I drifted further from God. My cannabis use increased. My self-worth decreased. Depression deepened. By 2023, I was practicing witchcraft disguised as healing and hope, but it was false healing and false hope. Around this time, I had a total hysterectomy and felt less like a woman, less like a person. I struggled with the emotional aftermath.

Then I had a bad fall that resulted in multiple TBIs, injuries that still affect me today.

Escaping the Enemy’s Grasp

I reached a point in my life where I was completely immersed in the enemy’s work. I had turned so far away from God that I began praying to false gods that were actually demons. My behavior became destructive. My depression and anxiety grew heavier. I was angry, hurting, and drowning in sadness. Instead of healing from my trauma, I lived inside it. I carried it like an identity instead of letting God take it from me.

By 2025, the darkness around me had grown so thick that it felt like it was swallowing me whole. In March of that year, I had a nightmare that shook me to my core. I saw multiple demons trying to violate me, consume me and ripping me apart. That fear was so real that I woke up several times, terrified and shaken. After the last time I woke up, I knew I could not stay in that darkness another moment. I immediately called my friend. We prayed together. I repented. I cried out to God with everything in me.

Right then and there, I gave myself back to God. I chose Him over the enemy. I chose life over destruction. I chose freedom over bondage. And God met me in that moment with mercy, protection, and deliverance.

Finding My Faith Again

When I turned away from those practices, I felt another kind of loss because I had been surrounded by practitioners who only wanted me when I was doing things of the enemy. When I found God again, they disappeared. I felt alone, but I kept pushing through. I leaned on God and His mercy. He saved me from darkness, from the pit, from the enemy’s grip.

Today, I am redeemed. I am free. I am hopeful. I share my story and disciple to others because God saved me. I pray every day. I thank Jesus for His sacrifice. I ask the Holy Spirit to wash over me and cover me in the blood of Jesus. I pray for protection, for strength, and for restoration with my son.

Scripture That Aligns with This Part of My Life

When I Lost Everything and Became Homeless

Isaiah 41:10
A reminder that God strengthens, upholds, and never abandons His children even when the world does.

Psalm 34:18
God is close to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit.

Deuteronomy 31:8
The Lord goes before you, walks with you, and never leaves you, even when you feel forgotten.

When I Faced Trauma, Assault, and Deep Emotional Pain

Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Romans 8:28
God works all things together for good, even the things meant to destroy you.

Isaiah 43:2
When you pass through deep waters and fire, God is with you and you will not be consumed.

When Addiction Tried to Take My Life

1 Corinthians 10:13
God provides a way out of every temptation and every destructive pattern.

Galatians 5:1
Christ sets us free from bondage, and we are called to stand firm in that freedom.

2 Corinthians 5:17
In Christ, the old life is gone and a new life begins.

When I Turned Toward False Practices and the Enemy’s Deception

Ephesians 6:12
A reminder that our battle is spiritual, not physical, and the enemy seeks to deceive.

2 Corinthians 11:14
The enemy disguises himself as an angel of light, but his works are darkness.

Deuteronomy 18:10–12
God warns His children to stay away from witchcraft, divination, and false spiritual practices.

When I Experienced Demonic Attacks and Spiritual Warfare

Psalm 91:11–13
God commands His angels to guard you, and you will trample the works of the enemy.

James 4:7
Submit to God, resist the enemy, and he must flee.

Isaiah 54:17
No weapon formed against you will prosper.

When I Repented and Returned to God

Joel 2:12–13
Return to God with your whole heart, and He will show mercy and compassion.

Acts 3:19
Repent, turn back, and times of refreshing will come from the Lord.

Psalm 51:10–12
Create in me a clean heart, renew a right spirit within me, restore the joy of salvation.

When God Redeemed Me and Set Me Free

John 8:36
Who the Son sets free is free indeed.

Isaiah 61:1–3
He gives beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, and freedom for the captives.

Ephesians 2:4–5
Because of His great love and mercy, God makes us alive in Christ even when we were dead in sin.

When I Pray for Restoration With My Son

Isaiah 49:25
God promises to contend with those who contend with you and save your children.

Proverbs 22:6
A reminder that seeds planted in childhood are never forgotten by God.

Psalm 126:5–6
Those who sow in tears will reap with joy.

When I Encourage Others Walking Through Violence, Addiction, Fear, or Darkness

Joshua 1:9
Be strong and courageous, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

2 Timothy 1:7
God did not give you a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.

Revelation 12:11
We overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.

My Message for Anyone Experiencing Domestic Violence, Addiction, Recovery, or Fear

You are not alone. You are not forgotten. You are not too far gone. You are not beyond redemption. God sees you. God hears you. God can pull you out of the darkest pit and place you on solid ground. If He did it for me, He can do it for you.

Faith over fear. Always.

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Father God, I lift You up in prayer with gratitude, love, and thankfulness. You are patient, loving, and forgiving. I pray for the world—for every ear that has never heard the name of Jesus, for those who do not know You, and for those persecuted for worshipping You. I pray for Your people in Israel, that Your grace will reign down and protect them. I pray for those who worship false gods and follow false religions, that You will reveal Yourself to them, bring them to their knees, and lead them to salvation through You.

I pray for the lost, for those who feel they are at their breaking point and see no hope. Holy Spirit, wash over them, lift them up, and cleanse their souls of anything not of You. I pray for lukewarm Christians—those who attend church on Sundays but do not live for You. Bring them into alignment with Your will, convict them to repent, and guide them to live fully for You.

Jesus, I pray that Your name will reign high, that children, teens, adults, and the elderly will hear Your voice, feel Your love, and receive salvation. Revive Your Church. Rebuke and bind every work of the enemy in the mighty name of Jesus. I pray for those seeking work, that You will grant them favor and open doors of provision. Give each person what they need—not what they want. Let Your Word shine through us, and before You return, Jesus, let Heaven be crowded. I pray all these things in Your holy and mighty name, Amen.

The Journey Through Ages 30–33

When I turned 30, my entire world shifted. I gave birth to my son, Oliver—my miracle, my heartbeat, my answered prayer. For the first time in my life, I felt complete. But even before he arrived, I had already started down a path I thought was “empowerment.” I had been “modeling” for body positivity, doing photoshoots, trying to convince myself that confidence came from exposure. I didn’t realize then how deeply it was harming me—spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.

I didn’t see that I was searching for validation in all the wrong places.

Postpartum Darkness

After Oliver was born, I fell into severe postpartum depression. It was heavy, suffocating, and terrifying. My mind was not my own, and I knew I needed help. But it took eight long weeks before I could finally access support. By then, I was in a very dark place.

I threw myself into motherhood with everything I had. I wanted to be present for my son, even while battling constant illness. I would get sick for a week at a time, and Oliver would stay with his grandma. I didn’t understand it then, but now I see that God was trying to pull me back to Him—trying to get my attention, trying to rescue me from the spiral I was in.

Loss, Illness, and Fear

When Oliver was about a year old, I became pregnant again and miscarried very early. My marriage was already strained, and that loss pushed me into deeper confusion and grief.

Then came 2020.

I developed COVID and ended up hospitalized. I don’t remember much of it, but I was told I was terrified, convinced I wouldn’t survive. Afterward, I was diagnosed with Long COVID. I was so sick, so exhausted, and so mentally overwhelmed that I applied for disability because I truly believed I would never work again. I was a stay-at-home mother trying to navigate a world that felt like it was collapsing around me.

A Marriage Unraveling

Shortly after Oliver turned two, my marriage shifted into something it was never meant to be—an open marriage. I thought it would somehow “fix” things or bring healing. Instead, it brought destruction. It fed into my alcoholism, my depression, and my desperate attempts to feel better in ways that only made everything worse.

I was still drowning in postpartum depression, still trying to hold myself together, still trying to pretend I was okay.

March 2021: The Breaking Point

Then came the moment that shattered everything.

In March 2021, I experienced the deepest betrayal a spouse can endure. I was assaulted while I slept—drunk, vulnerable, and unable to protect myself. Two days later, I was told he wanted a divorce.

I was furious. Not just hurt—furious. The kind of anger that burns through your bones. The kind of anger that consumes you.

It took several years, but Jesus delivered me from that anger.
He delivered me from the hatred.
He delivered me from the bitterness.

Today, I can speak about it without shaking, without crying, without rage. I chose forgiveness—not because it was easy, but because I knew that if I refused to forgive, I could not expect to be forgiven.

The Year Everything Fell Apart

2021 became the worst year of my life.

I lost my son.

I tried to leave the home with him, desperate to protect him, and was told that if I didn’t bring him back, the police would be called. That moment triggered the divorce process—threatening calls, terrifying texts, and a constant fear for my safety.

By 2022, the divorce was finalized.
And I lost my son again.

That loss sent me into a spiral that lasted for years. A spiral of grief, shame, confusion, and spiritual warfare. A spiral that nearly destroyed me.

But God…
God never stopped pursuing me.
God never stopped calling me home.
God never stopped fighting for me, even when I wasn’t fighting for myself.

Scripture That Aligns With This Chapter

📖 Psalm 34:18
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

📖 Isaiah 41:10
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God.”

📖 Romans 8:28
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him.”

📖 Psalm 147:3
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

📖 2 Corinthians 12:9
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.”

📖 Joel 2:25
“I will restore to you the years that the locust has eaten.”

These verses speak directly to trauma, loss, betrayal, fear, and the God who restores.

Part 5 Preview: A Glimpse Into What Comes Next

Part 5 will take you into the deepest valley of my story—the moment I lost my son, the years-long spiral that followed, and the supernatural deliverance that only Jesus could bring.

It is raw.
It is painful.
It is holy.

Because it is the chapter where God stepped in and said,
“Enough. She is Mine.”

If you’ve ever felt like you were too far gone, too broken, too lost, or too ashamed—Part 5 will show you exactly how wrong that lie is.

God restores.
God rescues.
God redeems.

And He did it for me.

This issue includes mentions of addiction, mental health struggles, and past self-harm. Please read with care.

This newsletter will cover several topics:

• A Prayer for You

• Testimony

• Resources for Jobseekers

• Faith & Baptism

• Closing Encouragement

Before We Begin, A Prayer for You

If you’d like to join me in prayer, here’s what’s on my heart today: Father God, I lift up every person reading this newsletter. Whether they found it through a friend or stumbled upon it on their own, I pray You move in their life. You are the truth, the way, and the light. Remove any hardness in their hearts and replace fear, depression, anxiety, sorrow, worry, anger, or hate with Your peace.

For those walking through difficult seasons, let them hear Your voice clearly. Reveal Your plans for them. Protect this world from the enemy’s influence and draw every person who does not yet know You into salvation through Jesus. Strengthen us to shake the gates of hell and rejoice together in Heaven one day.

Thank You for another day to make a difference, to disciple others, and to share the hope found in Christ. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

More Of My Testimony- Part 3

My journey has been full of learning, conviction, and transformation. In the last issue, I shared about my early struggles with depression, anxiety, and self-harm, and how I first encountered God in the 3rd grade. Today, I’m sharing the next chapter, the years were surrendering to God began reshaping my life.

Enter Adulthood: 16-20

At 16, I stopped turning to self-harm and instead turned to alcohol. I didn’t think I had a problem. I wasn’t partying like others, but it was the beginning of an addiction cycle.

My mental health worsened, and I was evaluated for inpatient care. Thankfully, I didn’t need it, but I continued searching for love in unhealthy relationships. Looking back, I see so many things I wish I could change, yet I also see purpose in the pain.

During this time, I began dating the man I would marry when I was 20 years old. The relationship was unhealthy, but fear of being alone and unresolved trauma kept me there.

Living In Deception; Marriage, and Fertility battle: 21-30

From 21 on, my alcoholism deepened. I told myself, “I don’t have a problem,” even as I blacked out repeatedly.

At 24, we married. For five years, I battled infertility. At 26, I got sober for the first time and eventually lost over 100 pounds. At 29, after just one dose of Clomid, I became pregnant which was a high‑risk pregnancy, but one I carried with determination and faith.

At 30, I gave birth to my beautiful son, Oliver.

Next Issue Preview:

• Postpartum struggles

• Addiction relapse

• Divorce

• Spiritual warfare and deliverance

Now, let’s go into some positive resources! A New Year for Jobseekers

We made it to 2026, a year I believe will be full of transformation. I’ve committed myself to helping others through Jesus’ guidance, and I want to equip you with tools that remove barriers and open doors.

• Resume Template: A resume template that is easily accessible, and able to be customized to the role that you are looking for. This is the exact template I use for the roles that I apply for and have had increased interviews with this.

• Free Job Boards that are recommended to use: Rat Race Rebellion Newsletter, BuiltIn, Jorbly, InstantTeams

• Action Based Jobseeker Form to be added to support chat group: https://forms.gle/zykCzL3k8ViMifX18

Wherever you are in your job search, you’re not alone.

My Baptism — A Moment of Clarity

In December, I was baptized again, but this time, I understood it. I understood Jesus. I understood surrender. I understood purpose.

My baptism wasn’t just symbolic; it was a spiritual turning point. Years of fear, worry, and confusion lifted. I walked out of that water with clarity, direction, and a renewed calling to serve my community with grace.

Arwyn at her baptism wearing a CT Church New Caney shirt, with a smile through the tears. This is right after Arwyn came out of the water in front of the congregation.

Closing Thoughts

Wherever you are in your journey, spiritually, emotionally, or professionally, I’m praying for you.

I pray the right opportunities find you, that God guides your steps, and that you achieve every goal aligned with His purpose for your life.

Thank you for subscribing. I can’t wait to share more with you in two weeks.

Reply and share where you are in your journey.

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Every day people walk through battles no one else can see. Hopelessness, sorrow, and fear can feel like they’re closing in from every side. And when it seems like all hope is lost, when we feel invisible in the crowd, it’s easy to slip into a place of helplessness.

But there is hope. There is joy. And everything can change when you put your faith in Christ Jesus.

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Scripture to reflect on this week

Psalm 46:10, Jeremiah 29:11 and Genesis 26:25

Sharing more of my testimony – Part 2

Depression has been a part of my story for as long as I can remember. The first time I had thoughts of hurting myself, I was still in elementary school. I didn’t understand the chaos around me, a home filled with toxicity, abuse, and constant bullying. I always knew I was different. I learned differently, processed differently, and struggled in ways no one could name at the time.

It wasn’t until my 30s that I finally received the diagnosis that explained so much: I am autistic and neurodivergent, with dyslexia, dyscalculia, and dyspraxia. Looking back, it made sense.

Throughout elementary, middle, and high school, I never felt like I belonged anywhere. I started going to church in the 3rd grade, but the messages were confusing, and sometimes even harmful. I didn’t understand how a place meant for love could speak so much hate.

By the time I was 16, I realized that harming myself wasn’t the answer. It didn’t bring relief, and it didn’t bring healing. That moment was a turning point, one of the first times I chose life, even though I didn’t yet understand what God was doing in my story.

Now, I encourage you to take a moment and remember that God loves you, you do matter and you have a purpose on this earth.

Stay tuned, part 3 will be shared in the next publication.

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This newsletter exists for anyone who has ever felt broken, overwhelmed, ashamed, or spiritually lost. It exists for the ones who have survived trauma, addiction, confusion, or seasons of darkness. It exists for the ones who are still fighting.

You are not alone. And your story is not over.

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FEATURED STORY

My Testimony: From Darkness to Deliverance

Early Years: Fear Masquerading as Faith

I grew up in a church environment that preached condemnation instead of compassion. It distorted my understanding of God and planted confusion about identity, purpose, and worth.

The Spiral: Addiction, Identity, and Pain

As I grew older, I wrestled with addiction — alcohol, pornography, hypersexuality, food, and cannabis — trying to numb wounds I didn’t know how to heal. Abuse followed me into adulthood. In 2021, after being assaulted by my then‑husband, losing custody of my son, and being painted as someone I wasn’t, I believed my life was ending.

The Breaking Point

I got sober from alcohol in August 2021, but continued self‑medicating with cannabis until this past summer. Then in early 2025, everything collapsed again — job loss, fear, hopelessness. It felt like 2021 all over again.

The Spiritual Wake‑Up Call

In March 2025, I had a terrifying spiritual encounter — one that shook me awake. I woke from nightmares of being attacked by something dark. It was relentless. For the first time in years, I cried out for help. I called a friend and said:

“I need Jesus.”

We prayed. We rebuked everything not of God. I threw away every pagan and witchcraft item I had collected. I cleared my home, my mind, and my spirit.

The Turning Point

I stopped watching anything sexually immoral. I confronted the roots of my wounds — the abuse, the shame, the lies I had believed for 28 years. When I moved to Texas, I found a church with a compassionate pastor who welcomed me without judgment. I joined the community. I committed to baptism.

For the first time in my life, I understood what faith truly is:

Faith is choosing God even when fear screams louder.

REFLECTION SECTION

Things I Remember

• God never stopped pursuing me

• Healing is not linear

• Deliverance is real

• Fear is loud, but God is louder

• Identity is found in Christ, not in trauma

• Community matters

• You can begin again

• Nothing you’ve done disqualifies you from God’s love

SCRIPTURE I LEAN ON

• 2 Timothy 1:7 — God gives power, love, and a sound mind

• Psalm 34:18 — He is close to the brokenhearted

• Isaiah 41:10 — Do not fear, for He is with you

• John 8:36 — Whom the Son sets free is free indeed

• Psalm 91 — God’s protection and covering

Your Turn to Choose Faith

If you’re reading this and you feel stuck, scared, ashamed, or spiritually lost, hear this:

You are not too broken. You are not too far gone. You are not beyond redemption.

Take one step today:

• Pray

• Reach out to someone safe

• Open your Bible

• Ask God to reveal Himself

• Let go of something that’s been holding you in fear

• Walk into a church and let someone welcome you

Faith doesn’t require perfection. It requires willingness.

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